Black ‘Kings’ and ‘Queens’ – We Are Hilarious…

(Akiit.com) Boy, Black folks (my people) are a funny bunch. That’s “funny” as in ‘ha ha.’ Yep, Mo’Kelly said it. Mo’Kelly loves you all, but he knows y’all too.

Only in the United States of Black America can Black folks send death threats to Tavis Smiley and his family because he asks Black folks to be informed before they go to the polls (if we go at all) and for arguing that Senator Barack Obama SHOULD put us on a pedestal.

Yes, what in the hell was Tavis Smiley thinking? Black people…pedestal? Shame on him. Doesn’t he know that when you strive to keep African-Americans as a central component of the political discourse, you’re by definition a crab, jealous, a hater or seeking to be “King of Black America?”

Like who the hell would want THAT job title, as ungrateful and indignant as we are?

Let the “enlightened discussion” of Tavis Smiley and Barack Obama be proof positive that we aren’t quite ready to engage in the political debate unemotionally and intellectually. I guess the whole idea of political debate is still “too new” for many of us and unfamiliar territory, because we haven’t learned how to disagree intellectually without reverting to childish and ignorant tendencies.

But Mo’Kelly is going to leave that alone…for now.

Also, only in the United States of Black America can Black folks get bent out of shape because one entertainer referred to another entertainer as “Queen.” Yes, Aretha Franklin was actually indignant over Beyoncé referring to Tina Turner as “Queen” at the Grammys last week.

Talk about “petty.”

Don “King” would say, “only in America” but Mo’Kelly would say, “only in Black America” (eyes rolling).

But these “controversies” really got Mo’Kelly thinking. In this presidential election season as Black folks jockey to maximize their political clout and social capital, it reminds Mo’Kelly how a number of African-Americans have been “anointed,” “appointed” (and even impeached) by “us” over the years.

The question is; who exactly elected these folks or officially knighted them? For example, Aretha Franklin is widely regarded as The Queen of Soul but Mo’Kelly doesn’t remember exactly who made it or how it became official. Conversely, Tina Turner is also known worldwide as The Queen of Rock ‘n Roll. So technically, any reference to Tina Turner as “the queen” by Beyoncé isn’t altogether “incorrect.”

Make no mistake, Tina Turner is as much “Queen” as Aretha…don’t get it twisted.

Going further, are these titles copyrighted…trademarked…or just figments of one’s narcissistic imagination? Yes, this is Black History Month and yes, African-Americans are “kings and queens,” but sometimes we take this ish too damn far.

Like Mo’Kelly said, we Black folks are more than a little bit funny. To be a “queen” intimates that you either married or were born into your royalty.

Usually that is…except when you’re talking about imaginative Black folks.

With that in mind, Mo’Kelly has some questions, rhetorical to be sure.

1. If Aretha Franklin is the Queen of Soul; which one of her two previous husbands, Ted White or ageless actor Glynn Turman would then be considered the King of Soul?
2. How is Run DMC the King of Rock given they are hip hop legends and not rock legends?
3. If Bobby Brown is/was the King of R&B according to ex-wife and ex-crackhead Whitney Houston, are you still “the king” if nobody ever believed that bull-ish in the first place except for the drug-addicted ex-wife?
4. Also…how can Bobby Brown be the King of R&B…when music legend Ruth Brown was known as the Queen of R&B and they were never married or related?
5. If Teddy Riley is/was the King of New Jack Swing don’t you have to abdicate your throne when you’re so broke you have to sell your own music studio to continue eating? SOURCE
6. If Steve Harvey and Co. are The Original Kings of Comedy, what does that make Richard Pryor who was more original and more talented than all of them put together?
7. If James Brown was the Godfather of Soul and Usher is the Godson of Soul, what does that make Usher’s husband Maneka…?(Exactly, not a damn thing).
8. Can someone tell Mo’Kelly when exactly Will Downing became the King of Romance and where his kingdom resides?
9. Does anybody know officially whether Mary J. Blige is the Queen of Hip Hop-Soul or the Queen of R&B-Soul. She’s referred to as both and monarchs usually are associated with only one realm. Otherwise you’ve become “President” George W. Bush, right?
10. If Elvis was just simply The King, what does it say when he arguably was less talented than everybody mentioned heretofore? (Well, except Bobby Brown)

And just in case you were wondering, these other “kingdoms” have already been taken, for those of you who might be writing introductions on future award shows.

Duke Ellington – King of Swing
Michael Jackson – King of Pop and King of Yet-to-be-Convicted Child Molesters
Prince – (Because that’s his real name, Prince Rogers Nelson)
Kanye West – King of Rap (according to his egomaniacal tendencies, not anyone who actually listens to music)

Written By Morris W. O’Kelly

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