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Six Signs That This is Not “the One” .

August 14, 2016 by  
Filed under News, Relationships, Weekly Columns

( Whether pondering a new job or a new relationship, knowing whether a long-term commitment is right for you can mean the difference between misery or “happily ever after.” No situation comes without challenges, of course, but when the situation is right, it will not feel like a burden. You’ll have the grace to get through the challenges, and those challenges actually make you stronger. When you find yourself in a situation or relationship that works in the short-term, but it’s not a forever match, it’s important to know the difference.

Fear is what tempts us to make something work that was never meant to be. You’ll always regret making a permanent decision out of something that was meant to be temporary.  So if you’re contemplating a commitment to someone or something that’s long-term, you’ve got to dig deep and be brutally honest with yourself. Making decisions from a place of love and not fear will always point you in the right direction.blackcouple-NOTHAPPY-2016

These are six signs that the opportunity in front of you is not “The One.”

1.     You have to change who you are to make it work.

When something or someone is meant for you, you can be yourself.  You will feel inspired to the best version of yourself, but who you are at your core will be an asset, not a liability. If you’re trying to like things you don’t like, or feel like your behavior or personality is constantly being criticized, this is not “The One.”

2.     You have to convince the other person of your own worth.

When it’s the right situation, the other person will always see the value of what you bring to the table. In fact, they may be excited about elements of you that even you take for granted. You’ll feel appreciated and valued.  If you have to beg for appreciation or have to convince someone of your worth, think twice about moving forward.

3.     In your heart, you know you are settling.

If fear has you making excuses for why this situation could work even though it does not line up with the vision in your heart, slow down. Be honest with yourself. Why are you settling? Is it because your expectations really are unrealistic or inauthentic? Or is it because you’re afraid that you can’t have what you really want?

4.     If another opportunity came along, you’d take it.

When you find “the one,” you’re not holding out hope for something better. What you have brings such contentment that your entire focus is on savoring and making the most of the opportunity right in front of you. If that’s not how you feel, you should definitely question whether this is the one.

5.     You don’t share the same values.

There’s no getting around it. When your values aren’t aligned, there’s bound to eventually be conflict – unresolvable conflict.  Simply put, “values” are the things you think really matter in life. What you value is what you put first. Your values guide your decisions, how you treat people, and the vision that you have for what you want your life to look like. If you don’t share similar values, eventually you will have to compromise too much of yourself to make it work in the long term.

6.     You are not at peace about it.

Perhaps the most reliable indicator that you’re on the right path is your peace. Do a gut check. Do you feel at peace about moving forward, or does something simply feel “off”? It can be easy to second guess that divine inner compass, but don’t. If you’re not at peace, it’s either not right or not the right time. Be patient. Have the courage and faith to believe that if you show up in life healthy and ready for love and opportunity, it will make its way to you. And in retrospect, the timing will be just right.

My challenge to you:

Pay attention to the signs before making a commitment.

Columnist; Valorie Burton

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