Tuesday, April 9, 2024

What Adoptive Parents Should Never Do.

March 15, 2017 by  
Filed under Health, Relationships, Weekly Columns

(Akiit.comAdopting a child is not easy. It is a lot of things, but it is certainly not easy, and that is because there are a lot more complications. There is a lot more to think about, consider, weigh up and decide, and there are are a lot more eggshells involved. But don’t despair, because we have spoken to some adoptive parents and asked them for their advice on things and, more specifically, things you shouldn’t do. Ever.

Make Their Story Public Knowledge

While you may have a huge role in your adopted child’s life, and be a huge party of their story moving forward, their story up to this point it is theirs, as are the circumstances that led to them being adopted. Basically, it is not your story to tell, it is theirs, and they will tell it if they want to when they want to. You may want to share their stories with the noblest and honorable of intentions but don’t. You are a parent, and parents have so much ammo they can share with people, such as their school grades, sporting accomplishments or musical talents, but not their stories. Those belong to them.

Deny Them The Right To Seek Out Their Biological Parents

At some stage in their lives, when the time feels right, most adoptive parents feel obliged to tell their child the truth. Of course, it could be that they were old enough to remember, but often it is a case of having to tell them what happened. A lot of the time, this results in them wanting to go in search of their biological parents, for whatever reasons. Don’t deny them this want. In fact, you should do everything you can to help them, whether that be trawling through records or paying for a paternity test, everything you can do should be done/ They won’t forget you. That’s not what this is about. We just have an inherent need to know where we came from, and that should be encouraged.

Don’t Pretend To Be A Hero Or A Charity

All adoptive parents will tell you that they hate it when people bless them for adopting an orphan, and praise their act of selflessness, and that is because this entire line of thinking is not only wrong, or offensive, but unhelpful to everyone involved. Most people adopt for purely selfish reasons. They do it because they want to be a mom or a dad, they want to have a family. They didn’t do it to rescue a child. In fact, most often it is the other way round, and that the child is usually the one that saves the parent. So tell people this, change the stigma and falseness. It will go a long way in helping you.

Don’t Expect Gratitude Just Because You Adopted Them

There are certain things that you can expect all children to be grateful for. You can expect and want them to be grateful for driving them around town, or help them to learn the lines to their part at the school play, or even for making them breakfast and getting them ready for school. But you cannot expect or want them to be grateful for adopting them. They got no say in what happened. It was a transaction, and they were the product at stake. So don’t make this mistake. Please.

Staff Writer; Lisa James

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